Just like with any other form of relationship between people, marriages experience all of the ups and downs that are inherent to the nature of human beings. Whenever two or more people get together and create some form of relation, whether as friends, a family, a team, a club, a company, or a marriage, there will be great things about it and challenging issues too. The key here is not in spending one’s time wishing for a relationship that has no problems, as that is unattainable. Rather, the key is in a married couple’s ability to address and handle the issues and problems that do come up within the marriage.
Marriage counseling or relationship counseling can come into play when two people begin to have such a conflict and difficulty within their marriage that they can’t seem to arrive at a resolution and separation has been put forth as an option. Ideally, an effort at resolving a marriage’s issues would have come into play much sooner. However, statistically speaking, most married couples do not engage in some form of coaching until about six years after the problem started and they are considering getting a divorce as a result.
In her book, Picking Right: The Single’s Guide to Finding the Right Match, Daphna Levy defines marriage as follows:
“Marriage is a partnership, a union, a bond. It is more than a legal arrangement. It is more than a commitment. There is more to this union than a familial and economic bond. For a marriage to be successful, it must have uninhibited communication between the partners, or their union starts to deteriorate. Communication can remain free only in the absence of deception and harmful lies. So honesty and trustworthiness are a part of the definition of marriage.”
A good marriage is perhaps one of the most beautiful and rewarding aspects of life as a human being. However, it is not a wondrous splendor that is achieved without a great deal of hard work and dedicated effort. When that hard work and effort starts to slip away and problems start to crop up, marriage coaching or a relationship rescue efforts might become a necessary factor to getting the marriage back on track. If this is the case, the next obvious question is, does marriage coaching work?
Simply stated, coaching helps couples understand and effectively resolve conflicts that they experience within their relationship. Coaching also gives couples the tools that they need to communicate better with one another, negotiate their differences and effectively compromise on issues, solve problems that they might be experiencing, and create and work towards shared goals.
To answer the above question, yes, marriage coaching does work, but only if both partners apply themselves to it and actually wish for it to work. When they do, they can reap good results from the coaching and effect positive changes within their marriage. This could even serve to repair the damage done to the marriage and help them start over with a clean slate.
The theory behind marriage coaching is simply that such coaching offers effective solutions to a marital difficulty or difficulties when the couple could not arrive at such a resolution on their own. When couples reach an impasse and can’t seem to get over their upset with one another long enough to come to a resolution, or when no resolution offered by one is accepted by the other, it’s time to seek the help of a professional marriage coach. Such a person is well-trained and well-experienced in helping people to find the root source of their problems, to address and handle those problems, and to put plans and goals in place within the marriage to ensure that the problems do not recur.
Finding Help with a Marriage
Finding the right solution for a marriage can be a tricky proposition. Often, couples even disagree on which professional to seek help from. When looking for a marriage expert or a relationship consultant, here are a few tips:
- Find someone who has proven to be effective in helping others. Read reviews and testimonials to help you select an expert coach.
- Do not hire the coach without first meeting with him or her.
- Whenever possible, seek a complimentary initial consultation.
- Make sure that both of you feel comfortable with this person.
Daphna Levy, author of Picking Right, is an expert relationship coach who has the solutions to whatever strife your marriage might be experiencing. Contact us today to find out more.